my most favorite time of year is upon us, autumn. october. leaves morphing into striking hues that inspire me so. scarves and gloves. sweaters and fuzzy socks. boots and jackets. blankets and hot chocolate. soon, the familiar smell of chimney fires will fill the crisp air outside and transcend me back to my childhood. i loved that smell then, still do. i couldn't take in enough of it. playing outside with friends. happy times.
with autumn comes many changes. and those winds of change also spark the dramatic need for change in my own personal life. i feel on fire in autumn. i acquire that surge of energy needed to put wheels in motion. i'm not sure where this annual desire comes from, or why it arrives. after much thought over the years, i can only liken it to my childhood. the end of summer, the beginning of a new school year. school clothes, school supplies. new classes, teachers, possible new friends and all the new anxieties that come along with the unknown. fire, unsettling excitement. energy. change. and for some reason, my psyche feels the need to recreate this need for change every autumn.
someone very special to me brought this odd quirk of mine to my attention several years ago. although, i did notice this "surge" myself, i mostly thought of it as a time of reminiscence, a longing for a time when life was simpler. and maybe part of that holds true, but the need for change was certainly evident.
i ask myself now, what is so wrong with wanting change? isn't that part of growing? like in autumn, nature withers in order for new growth in spring. what is wrong with wanting to shed the undesired and fill life with something new and more positive? why was this "quirk" of mine considered a "flaw" in your eyes? this belief of yours convinced me that i was self-destructive. unwanting of happiness. perhaps you failed to consider that our ideas of happiness did not coincide.
i consider myself ever-evolving. continually in tune with what the universe has in store for me. day by day riding on the waves of destiny. i gave up fighting change. i gave in to acceptance. conformity does not exist in my world. i've been called a gypsy. that makes me smile. maybe i am in a sense, but again..........what is so wrong with that? maybe what was wrong was that you wanted me to be something i wasn't. or perhaps for a period in my life, i was attempting to be something i wasn't. perhaps both. who knows, really?
i find it odd that this blog ended up being about you. i'll always adore you. i've no ill words about you, for they do not exist. i am thankful for your presence in my life.....then, and even more so now.
i hope you find your kind of happiness. you deserve it.....as do i.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
my quest for vegan-hood
food.
quite possibly my most favorite word, activity and obsession (other than my dog, cooper). i like to fancy myself a "foodie". and one of my most favorite things to do is prepare a meal. i love being in my kitchen. i love shopping for food. i think about food probably more than most people i know. when going out with friends, i like to know where we are going to eat way beforehand so i can drool over the menu ALL DAY. i love food. i love the smell, the sound, the taste and the visual aspect. food is my obsession, yet also my dilemma.
a few years ago i stumbled across a book, "Skinny Bitch" by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin.
i was tired of the weight i had gained. i wasn't "fat". no, nowhere near. but i had smoked for 9 years and when i quit smoking, i gained 25lbs in 6 months. 25lbs! when putting on my jeans became an all-out war, i decided i was ready to make some lifestyle changes to get back to my size 6. a trip to the bookstore resulted in a 3 year struggle with food choices and lifestyle that i still battle.
i didn't realize when i bought "Skinny Bitch" that it was a book about being vegan. vegan? no more cheese? NO WAY! but, the book was an easy read, very entertaining and...........very eye-opening. up until that point, i hadn't really given much thought about where my food came from and much less what was in it. and the chapter on animal slaughter had me sobbing like a damned fool. (i.love.animals.) after reading that book, i made a change in my life. i became a vegetarian with the hopes of someday reaching "vegan-hood".
the hardest part for me, believe it or not, was NOT giving up meat. it was changing the way i cook. having to "re-learn" how to cook in a way that was healthy. constantly researching new recipes for my new lifestyle. trying new things like tofu and kale.
i was successful for a short period of time. thanksgiving and christmas was a bitch! all that intoxicating aroma of cholesterol washing over me. but, i made it through. however, it was difficult diving into this new lifestyle while living with someone who didn't want to jump on the train with you. eventually, i caved. i went back to being a shameful carnivore.
after my divorce, i jumped back on that train. this time with much more vigor. i also watched several documentaries and read a few other books on veganism, our sad, sad food industry and the powers of juicing. let me tell you, juicing makes you feel like a god. ok, maybe not that awesome, but it does make you feel amazing. i felt better than i ever had in my life. i gave up the cheese (my biggest weakness), i gave up coffee (ouch). i lost about 15 lbs and i had more energy than ever. i.was.a.vegan. for a minute. well, actually about 6 months. but, thanksgiving and christmas were just around the corner. i remembered the utter disappointment of my belly from the previous year's holidays. i didn't know if i could endure that sort of torture again. so, i came to the decision that i would allow myself a bit o' turkey on thanksgiving and one bratwurst on christmas. (ok, so ya know......i'm half german. my family eats brats for christmas because we're cool like that).
for months i dreamed of thanksgiving. i couldn't wait for the day. but before then, my birthday rolled around. i thought, if i can have turkey on thanksgiving, surely i can have a cheeseburger on my birthday??? (huge cheeseburger FREAK) i allowed myself this juicy, fatty birthday present and it awarded me a huge tummy ache and maybe a little vomit. tmi?? but after i recovered, it felt worth it. i savored that memory until thanksgiving when i was much more careful with my meat intake. i only had a sample of turkey. but it was deeeee-lish. back on the wagon.
christmas 2011 would be the demise of my "vegan" run. (i put vegan in quotations because well, i DID cheat a couple of days). i went a little further than just one bratwurst. i went crazy from christmas until new years. i gluttonly devoured everything in sight, with the thought "this is my reward for being good". i'll go back after new years. well, i didn't and i haven't since then. add the return of my bad eating habits to my retirement from roller derby in October 2011 and you have one girl who is back to commencing WWIII with her denim.
but recently, i feel like i'm finally ready to jump back on that wagon and my plan is to kick it off with a bang and a pow. one week juice fast. oh my. maybe i'll still allow myself a little "present" on the holidays, but i think i learned my lesson.
i know i have a lot of friends who like to poke fun at my choices, but let me encourage you to do the research. "Skinny Bitch" has a lot of good information to start with. "The China Study" by T. Colin Campbell will blow you away.
if you're not a big reader, watch these documentaries. they are all on netflix.
that should be enough to get you started. do your research. know the facts before you criticize, and that goes for any subject for that matter. just because you don't understand something, doesn't make it wrong.
i don't claim to be an expert on proper nutrition, i don't claim to be a vegan either. but......do know that i am trying to do what's best for me. i'm reading, i'm learning. i'll get there.
but before i start on my quest again.......do know that i WILL be stuffing my face with everything that i will miss. just one more sweet love affair with a cheeseburger from claud's, ok....maybe two.
quite possibly my most favorite word, activity and obsession (other than my dog, cooper). i like to fancy myself a "foodie". and one of my most favorite things to do is prepare a meal. i love being in my kitchen. i love shopping for food. i think about food probably more than most people i know. when going out with friends, i like to know where we are going to eat way beforehand so i can drool over the menu ALL DAY. i love food. i love the smell, the sound, the taste and the visual aspect. food is my obsession, yet also my dilemma.
a few years ago i stumbled across a book, "Skinny Bitch" by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin.
i didn't realize when i bought "Skinny Bitch" that it was a book about being vegan. vegan? no more cheese? NO WAY! but, the book was an easy read, very entertaining and...........very eye-opening. up until that point, i hadn't really given much thought about where my food came from and much less what was in it. and the chapter on animal slaughter had me sobbing like a damned fool. (i.love.animals.) after reading that book, i made a change in my life. i became a vegetarian with the hopes of someday reaching "vegan-hood".
the hardest part for me, believe it or not, was NOT giving up meat. it was changing the way i cook. having to "re-learn" how to cook in a way that was healthy. constantly researching new recipes for my new lifestyle. trying new things like tofu and kale.
i was successful for a short period of time. thanksgiving and christmas was a bitch! all that intoxicating aroma of cholesterol washing over me. but, i made it through. however, it was difficult diving into this new lifestyle while living with someone who didn't want to jump on the train with you. eventually, i caved. i went back to being a shameful carnivore.
after my divorce, i jumped back on that train. this time with much more vigor. i also watched several documentaries and read a few other books on veganism, our sad, sad food industry and the powers of juicing. let me tell you, juicing makes you feel like a god. ok, maybe not that awesome, but it does make you feel amazing. i felt better than i ever had in my life. i gave up the cheese (my biggest weakness), i gave up coffee (ouch). i lost about 15 lbs and i had more energy than ever. i.was.a.vegan. for a minute. well, actually about 6 months. but, thanksgiving and christmas were just around the corner. i remembered the utter disappointment of my belly from the previous year's holidays. i didn't know if i could endure that sort of torture again. so, i came to the decision that i would allow myself a bit o' turkey on thanksgiving and one bratwurst on christmas. (ok, so ya know......i'm half german. my family eats brats for christmas because we're cool like that).
for months i dreamed of thanksgiving. i couldn't wait for the day. but before then, my birthday rolled around. i thought, if i can have turkey on thanksgiving, surely i can have a cheeseburger on my birthday??? (huge cheeseburger FREAK) i allowed myself this juicy, fatty birthday present and it awarded me a huge tummy ache and maybe a little vomit. tmi?? but after i recovered, it felt worth it. i savored that memory until thanksgiving when i was much more careful with my meat intake. i only had a sample of turkey. but it was deeeee-lish. back on the wagon.
christmas 2011 would be the demise of my "vegan" run. (i put vegan in quotations because well, i DID cheat a couple of days). i went a little further than just one bratwurst. i went crazy from christmas until new years. i gluttonly devoured everything in sight, with the thought "this is my reward for being good". i'll go back after new years. well, i didn't and i haven't since then. add the return of my bad eating habits to my retirement from roller derby in October 2011 and you have one girl who is back to commencing WWIII with her denim.
but recently, i feel like i'm finally ready to jump back on that wagon and my plan is to kick it off with a bang and a pow. one week juice fast. oh my. maybe i'll still allow myself a little "present" on the holidays, but i think i learned my lesson.
i know i have a lot of friends who like to poke fun at my choices, but let me encourage you to do the research. "Skinny Bitch" has a lot of good information to start with. "The China Study" by T. Colin Campbell will blow you away.
Forks Over Knives
Food Matters
Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead
The Gerson Miracle
that should be enough to get you started. do your research. know the facts before you criticize, and that goes for any subject for that matter. just because you don't understand something, doesn't make it wrong.
i don't claim to be an expert on proper nutrition, i don't claim to be a vegan either. but......do know that i am trying to do what's best for me. i'm reading, i'm learning. i'll get there.
but before i start on my quest again.......do know that i WILL be stuffing my face with everything that i will miss. just one more sweet love affair with a cheeseburger from claud's, ok....maybe two.
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